Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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