k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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