I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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