what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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