I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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