wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
