1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
