YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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