Have you finally orgasmed yet?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
