Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
