dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
