it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
