Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
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