So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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