hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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