Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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