If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
In America we eat man semen.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
