i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sorry my hands just texted you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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