remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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