I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
