what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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