He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
