Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am available for nakedness
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
