where am i from again
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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