Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Im part way to drunk.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
