We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
