Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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