The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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