Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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