Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
