his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
