I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
