wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
