and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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