so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
