my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
