why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
