went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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