I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
