If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
