3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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