i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
