glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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