apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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