Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
