you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
