There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
