I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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