How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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