I wanna passion pit in your ass
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
