i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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