she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
