I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
