apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
