Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
