Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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