return my video game
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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