My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
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