Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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