I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize