Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
