why didn't you poke me back
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
