she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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