I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
