Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
The air was thick with penises
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
