I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
