My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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