So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
