bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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