I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
