Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
