hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
