Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
