Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
