Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
