ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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