Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize