before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
