hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
