Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
