she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i will never coherently bang her
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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