is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
