I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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