I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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