oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
