READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
