Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
