last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
