i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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