I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize