i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
