she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
