I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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