Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
