i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
