My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
