Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
