I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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