It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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