1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
