My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
