Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
