his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
