You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
