So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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