There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
