After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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